WHAT A FUCKING JOKE


A spokesperson for FDNY revealed a plan today that demonstrates that public and private city services can indeed pool collective resources for the greater good.

Cabs like this one, outfitted with GPS, an AED and specialized emergency lighting, will soon help shrink FDNY's response times.

At a news conference held at FDNY headquarters, Major-Captain John Brokem the dildo announced that the FDNY EMS would be training hundreds of city cab drivers in basic first aid and CPR, and outfitting their vehicles with GPS, an AED and specialized emergency lighting.

"By doing this, we instantly double the number of available transport units for the citizens and visitors in the City of New York," he said.

"This should effectively cut in half our response times, based on the study done by Fishbine and Unity Consulting."

The initial model would have Emergency Transport Livery Units (ETLU) first in the midtown- Upper West Side neighborhoods, where citizens calling 911 for an ambulance would be more accepting of using cabs for transport.

Based on the results of the pilot program, other boroughs would be enrolled over time.

Not all who attended the press conference were happy with the announcement. Mike Pounsan, representative for the Uniformed EMTs, Paramedics and Fire Inspectors Local 2507, indicated that the move was not likely to help.

"There's no need for these cabbies to run around the city picking up patients. They have better things to do. Besides, the way that most of these folks drive, no lights are necessary.

"To me, this is a drain on a valuable resource. What's next — maybe FDNY EMS units get painted yellow?"

The pilot program begins April 1 and is scheduled to run through the end of June.


APRIL FOOLS